Finished, Babe

OK y'all - this will most likely be my last post under the "My Mystery Man Purgatory" blog title because I want to change the blog to "My Dream Man Purgatory".  Once one ventures into the literary works of Kristen Ashley, one has no choice but to read until her eyes start crossing and she finds herself accidentally calling her husband Tack.  Or Hawk.  Or Mitch.  Or...

Ho. Ly. Crap.  Hawk got kidnapped!  I did NOT see THAT one coming.  And I'm strangely fascinated by the thought of him hanging on a hook.  (Damned Fifty.  Ruined me forever.)  PS - do NOT google "hanging from a meat hook" and do an image search because you will seriously blorrrtttt right into your chow mein and I'm not even kidding a little.

Boyfriend had blood coming from his ear!  I was flipping out!  And what I found very cool is that it took that situation to get Gwen and Ginger together and show us Ginger really gives a shit.  Well...as much as Ginger can give a shit.  In the past I'd have preferred if she'd just said "I think your future husband's a douche" instead of doing him while I was in the bathroom trying to pee around all that silk and organza...but that's just me.

Loved the family aspect at the end.  Loved that they had two boys (and now a girl!)  Could totally feel it when Hawk came home with his gym bag and checked the kids in their beds.  So real.  That's what makes a great story; things are tied up in the end and you can see them going about their lives and doing their thing.  LOVED it.

Now...at this point I had planned to post some highlights I'd made about the last couple chapters...but thanks to some DOUCHEBAG who stole my identity, I had to reset my iPad and take it back to factory settings and therefore lost those notes.

COMMA HOWEVER, I still have some from the Kindle (I use both.  I'm ambidextrous with my ereaders and mobile computers.  It's a gift, really.) ;)


Some of them are shit that my overactive brain would totally, totally say/think...so I HAVE to post them here:

• "She looked half hippie, half biker babe, a look she pulled off and one I liked so much I felt a new phase coming on." 

• "I finished my soup, leaving the mysterious bits uneaten in the bottom.  I loved that soup but those mysterious bits freak me out and I never ate them."

• "I...saw them all smiling, found this scarier than them being scary..." 

• "Once he'd been gone for three which freaked me out and then it freaked me out that it freaked me out." 

• "I need a reload." (By the way, I am SO going to start saying this.  Just like when I heard my cousin say she was frontloading so she could drive home after a wedding...and I started saying "frontloading" whenever I found myself making that clever move.  But be careful.  It only works if you don't get shitfaced an you're going to be somewhere for a seriously longggg assed time; long enough to way sober up.  This has been a public service announcement.)

And some of them are just freakin funny:

• "Sally forth?"

• "If they ever broke up it would be like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell breaking up, that was to say proof that the world would soon be coming to an end."

• "White, um...Caucasian."  I used television show cop speak."

• "She had to arm herself with a snow globe."

• "Oh my god, did my father just call my mystery lover 'son' after only knowing him for five seconds?" (I will laugh about this for an hour now that I've read it again.) 

• "Girl!" she cut me off.  "How you doin'?"  she asked conversationally, like we'd not only met but given each other manicures."  (Peeing.  Right now.  On my stool.  In my kitchen.) 

• "The cocaine station".  ROFLMAO.  Got me through that entire scary scene.

• "We'll go to the nearest biker babe and stripper shops and we'll stock you up".  (I read that one in bed, under the covers while my man was asleep...and I had to hold my mouth closed to keep from howling right the eff out loud.) 

Did I just say "my man"?  LOL  As if I'm married to Hawk.  He's no Hawk and he doesn't wear cargos but he is pretty organized and he is dying for a good recliner. ;)

OK y'all...that's it for now.  I've got to go start Wild Man, yeah?  

Cosmo Night ROCKS!

SPOILER ALERT:  82% Y'all.  

And totally nervous.  I will miss the snot outta Hawk when I don't have him there on the page waiting for me every day...buying me Jimmy Choos and feelin' me calling him "baby" in his nethers.

I am at SUCH a good part.  He showed up in the middle of the night with his hand on the small of her back...took her for a backwards tumble...and then LEFT when he found her sleeping on the couch.  And it's HER fault?!  I don't get it.  Well yeah...I mean...I do.  I get that she should forgive him because of his wife/daughter (by the way did I not CALL THAT?!  Oh yes I did, mmm hhhmmm.) But I get why she's upset.  She's terrified he's going to get all douchy and dump her again.

And hell - Tack is NOT lookin' so bad right now, am I right?  SHIT - he had me at "Do you want pancakes?"  And that house sounds pretty awesome.  Bet he's got some kind of heated pool you can swim in in 20 degree weather.

Daydream...
Daydream...
Daydream...


OK I'm back.  Where was I?  Oh yeah...I LOVE COSMO NIGHT WITH THE GIRLS!!!  I just emailed Jen J, Hildy and Cari and told them I want to go to Cam's with Gwen, Tracey and Elvira.  And how much do I LOVE ELVIRA?!?  Ooooh Girlllllll...she is my favorite character!  Who expected her?!  I most certainly DID NOT.

I expected fucking Trinity from The Matrix and who shows up but wise crackin' Nell Carter!  OK maybe not Nell Carter...but Kristen did say she's "round".  I just don't know how round she is.  Either way - she's friggin hilarious and I don't even care about her gossiping ways.

And I LOVE that Hawk hired her and calls her his "girl", even though she's a wise-crackin', gossipin', friends-pouncer who doesn't break into cars but makes a mean cheese plate.  Mmm hmmm. Elvira's got it goin' ON!

OK so I must go now...because Hawk hasn't called all day and Gwen is freakin' out and it's positively delectable!!

More to come...

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

SPOILER ALERT: Crap - I don't know where I am.  70%ish?

Holy shit - Hawk just broke up with her.  He doesn't love her.  Well...actually...I don't believe it for a second.  I think he was just going to tell her he can't stand the thought of her getting hurt and that he can't do his work and deal with his feelings for her...yada yada yada.  But either way - girlfriend left with TACK.  Oh SNAP.

And now she's waking up in his bed in his NOT dingy house outside Denver (holy shit, does that sound HOT or what?  I don't know why I think all men in Denver are hot when I've never been there...but I do).  And he's going to make her pancakes and he kissed the cuts on her wrist.  And in a way, I'm sceeved as all get out because it's Tack and not Hawk.  And in another I think it's totally awesome because his stock just soared now that I know he lives in a nice house outside Denver.  I'm picturing a lot of glass and an awesome view of the side of a mountain.

SHIT Hawk must be freaking out.  We don't even know his back story yet.  And we KNOW there's a back story.  I was even wondering if he lost a wife and/or child at some point 8 years ago and that's why he's so terrified of love.  OMG wouldn't that be horrifying?  Damn - why must I dramatize these things in my head so much?!  Remember when I thought Fifty had Multiple Personality Disorder?! LOL!!!

OK but anyway - back to Hawk:  Fuck him!  He should have gotten HIS SHIT together and handled things way differently.  The whole time she was worried about him, thinking he was worried about Brett, I knew he was upset about her.  SHIT and he didn't talk to her at ALL and he threw the grilled cheese sandwich right out in the trash.  I think it's because he was like "Fuck this - Hawk eats veggies and cottage cheese...not grilled cheese!  Grilled cheese would never have been in this house before Gwen showed up.  I've got to end this now before I am lost in a sea of Gwen love and tit-working." (LOL Had to throw that in; still trying to get the bile to go back down to the depths of my stomach where it belongs after that comment.)

This book is making me remember why I love Edward Cullen so much.  When they were in the hospital waiting room, Hawk was up in Skull's face (is it me or does Skull sound HOT?) while Gwen was sitting with the ladies and I thought "Geez, dude, she was BOUND AND GAGGED!  Go sit with her!"  And then I remembered my favorite scene in New Moon where Edward sits for hours with Bella on his lap in Voltaire after the Volturri almost ate them.  NOTHING was dragging Edward away from Bella.  Nothing.  And before you say "Edward is scrawny compared to Hawk", let me remind you Edward could KICK HAWK'S ASS and eat him for lunch.  Never underestimate the power of a Cullen.  Everything about them invites you in.

Sigh...  But seriously.  This book is so much fun.  Kristen Ashley NEVER makes us wait long before something good/hot/exciting/ohmygodish happens...and I love her for that.

I'm Feeling You

I'm Feeling You

Sung by Michelle Branch / Written by Carlos Santana

Sometimes, I imagine the world without you
But most times, I’m just so happy that I ever found you
It’s a complicated web, that you weave inside my head
So much pleasure with such pain
Hope we always, always stay the same

I’m feelin’ the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the nick of time
I’m ridin’ the highs, I’m diggin’ the lows
‘Cause at least I feel alive
I’ve never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good
I’m feelin’ you
I’m feelin’ you

You go, and then I can finally breathe in
‘Cause baby I know, in the end you’re never leavin’
Well we’re rarely ever sane, I drive you crazy and you do the same
But your fire fills my soul
And it warms me up like no one knows

'Cause I’m feelin’ the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the nick of time
I’m ridin’ the highs, I’m diggin’ the lows
‘Cause at least I feel alive
I’ve never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good
I’m feelin’ you
I’m feelin’ you

[guitar solo]

I’m feelin’ the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the knick of time
I’m ridin’ the highs, I’m diggin’ the lows
‘Cause at least I feel alive
I’ve never faced so many emotional days

Oh, I’m feelin’ the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the nick of time
I’m ridin’ the highs, I’m diggin’ the lows
‘Cause at least I feel alive
I’ve never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good
I'm feelin' you
I'm feelin' you
I'm feelin' you
Oh, I'm feelin' you

Oh, I’m feelin’ the way that you cross my mind
And the way that you save me in the knick of time
Oh I’m feelin’ the way when you walk on by
I feel light, I feel love, I feel butterflies
I feel butterflies

Call Your Mother, She Worries

SPOILER ALERT:  I am way the hell into Chapter 18 and enjoying the heck out of it. 

Holy crap - I know it - his "shit to do" is buy her a ring.  His PARENTS were there???  Oh snap.  Telltale.  And they didn't run screaming when her psycho mom showed up.  (WTF was up with THAT?  Did you not CRY when she called Meredith "Mom"?)  And HER parents were there...and they hung out with HIS parents...and he almost wept (OK maybe not wept) when she was talking to his nephews.

OH yeah.  The ring is imminent.

Ya know what's funny?  Hawk isn't the smartest of the book heros.  And he's not the most dashing. But DAMN if I don't want my very own Hawk to buy me Jimmy Choos and get his boys to get my Imperial Chinese food (akin to "good Italian" from the place in Port Angeles).  There is something about  him...mmm mmm mmm.  He is one tasty tuna.

Now...moving on to Hawk's parents.  That is one, monstrous pile of WTF!  His dad was getting on my nerves with all the talk of Gwen's ass.  I kept hoping Hawk would be like "DAD!  DUDE!  That's my girl!"  And the mother was all "Oh Gus, knock it off before I aim lower with my coffee mug".  (That was actually pretty funny.  Makes me miss my feisty Italian grandma.)  They are bizarre...and if they get married and become her IL's; yikes.  She's going to have an uphill battle there.

Must. Read. More...

THURSDAY!

SPOILER ALERT:  I am on page 1 of Chapter 14.

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!

OK so Gwen's at Hawk's plane hangar lair for the first time...and she's decided that he's ITski and she wants him in her life.  Cool.

But um...the chick leaving a voicemail and saying she's "THURSDAY"?!  OH my GODDDDDD!!!

SO NOT COOL!!!

I am PISSED...and it's positively DELICIOUS!!!  This is the type of thing that MAKES A STORY.  Good, old fashioned DRAMA!  I can't WAIT to find out who it is!!!  We're SUPPOSED to think it's some chickie poo he's been doing...on THURSDAYS...but I'm too smart to "ass-u-me" anything at this point...mmm hmmm.

What if it's his mom?

What if it's a crazy client?

What if it's...shit...A CHICKIE POO HE'S DOING ON THURSDAYS?!?!!

OH this is just scrumptious.

Gots to go READ!!!

Hawks Watch. They Don't Run at the Mouth!

OMG Hawk.  Seriously?  SERIOUSLY??  How about just shutting UP?!  I can't believe he just told Troy about he and Gwen.  No - wait - he didn't just TELL Troy...he said "I'm Gwen's man" for the thousandth time and I'm about to punch him in the face!!  He went from the hottest guy on the planet to Puddy on Seinfeld in about two seconds!  DUDE! Just stand there and look good!  That's all!

Into the Abyss I Go...Again!

Ok...totally doing this for Hildy.  I missed the mark on On the Island and should have blogged.  So here I am - and already have a ton to say.

This book is delicious from Page 1!  It's like one of those roller coasters that takes off the second they lock you into the seat.  0 - 60 in less than 10 seconds.

I am only on Chapter 2 and a ton of shiz has gone down.  Ride scared the shit out of me.  Dog scared the shit out of me.  The collective biker dudes at Ride scared the shit out of me.  And yet - Tack sounds pretty minty.  How scary am I?  I am amazed at how much I think just like Gwen.  I believe Hildy said the same thing...so something tells me I am going to crack up until the last page.

HOW ABOUT MYSTERY MAN being at her house and getting all huffy with her?  DELISH!  I love how she's telling him off while he's smiling at her all condescendingly.  Stand your ground, woman!  You can do it!  Just don't look in the eyes.  LORDDDDD don't look in the eyes.

Is it me, or does Mystery Man look like Shura?